Reflections

What does change mean for you? How have you changed over the course of your semester off-campus? How do you feel different? What new values have you developed? What old values are you now starting to reject?

  Generally, it is difficult for me to define change because I see myself and things around me as constantly changing. In this respect I think the focus is more towards monumental change that is most readily noticeable and available for recall; changing dietary habits or a new clothing style, for example.

Spring in Prague! People in pedal boats along the Vltava River.

     There is a trope about students that study abroad. That they come back changed. The trope is characterized by an air of superiority, entirely buying into their own essence of being transformed (but would that make it genuine instead?), and constantly mentioning their exploits in a different country--which, ultimately, don’t differ too much from who they are back on campus. But it's a trope for a reason. It does not apply to all, and there are folks that I have reconnected after they have returned from being abroad for a semester and they have changed, usually towards being more focused towards what they are studying and with a clearer vision of what they want out of their life.

Julie Tran '20 and myself on a pedal boat.

     Of course I have changed, but I would have anyways if I had stayed on campus, just in a different way. Regarding the specific situation of change due to my being here, I think I have become better able to adhere to one of my new year’s resolutions: having more grace with myself. I am a perfectionist by nature, and while it is something I am always working on getting past, this program has shown that there is only so much I can control. From the highly collaborative nature of developing a film in a team to living with people who were initially strangers in a foreign city for four months, there has been a lot that I have little to no control over. In these situations I’ve had to utilize my better judgment to figuring out when it would be best to make my voice heard compared to biting my tongue and having faith in others.

The Žižkovská televizní věž (Žižkov Television Tower) in Prague,
the view from the apartment in which I shot my cumulative short film in. 

     I am also more aware of my bored inclinations and my actions in what I like to call my natural state. By that I mean what I do when I have a day to myself. What do I naturally want to do or find a way to do? What do I think about? This is how I inform myself about my values, interests, and how I would most prefer to spend my time. Free days were far and few in between during the school year considering how many weekends I’d allocated to traveling, so whenever one came up I was sure to take stock of how I treated my me day.

A uranium mining cave in Jachymov, Czech Republic. Used to keep political prisoners
during the Communist Era. 

     I don’t think I have rejected any values I held previously, just added on to what I already believed and held dear. I have a newfound value for relatability and compatibility in potential acquaintances. I have friends with similar and different interests to me but when it came to this program, with the premise of working in film, I was unsure of how making friends would go because everyone is at a different level when it comes to commitment and involvement. The process turned out to be fine, but I was quite meticulous in who I was voluntarily spending my time with. Beyond that, I just found that there were people I did not enjoy being around, for whatever reason. It all goes somewhere.

A row of short plants along a street in Brno, Czech Republic.

     So that's it, just about four months come and gone. Being honest, it was an experience but I am ready to go and move onto the next thing. I am thankful for my time and what I learned here, and definitely see it applying my takeaways in various areas of my life. Na shledanou, Praha.

Me at the desk used in the movie Grand Budapest Hotel, at Studio Babelsberg in Babelsberg, Germany
near Berlin.